It has been about 7 months since I logged on and wrote a post. Reason you ask? I don’t have a reason that’s adequately valid. The past 7 months or so have been a roller coaster. Great highs and some lows. But never bold enough to stop me on my tracks because I still managed to galivant my way through these streets. If you know what I mean.  

2019 overall will forever be in the books. Looking back, I remember having this conversation with one of my good friends talking about how we were going to live it up. From travels, summer flings and just party like it was back in the 90’s. If I must say, I did exactly just that. My mission was accomplished and all that I had put out to the universe came into existence. Not only did I get to visit London for the second time in the same year, but I was able to attend my first afro punk festival in Atlanta. I also got to visit one of my very good friends in Houston, Texas for July 4th who I only met this year in Paris. These were the major events I had planned for, not counting the little weekend spontaneous trips that came out of the blue (Future posts).  All in all, I had a blast and I am truly grateful.

At this point I bet you are wondering what really motivated me to finally get my act together and write to yall. I’ve never really considered myself a writer. But writing/journaling has always been therapeutic. In the past, My best material have all been drafted when I am emotionally going through it. As great as 2019 has been, the best thing that happened to me was also the worst thing that devastated me and got me to a place I never knew or imagine I would be at. I finally got to taste what love truly feels and looks like only to lose it all.

Among my friends I have always been a late bloomer when it came to dating, love, sex etc. In return, not only have I have been fortunate enough to see what true love should look like, but I have also been exposed to the ugly truth of it. Falling in love was the best thing I’ve experienced in all my life. I mean, it trumps the travel adventures and even the love of food I have. It brought a different kind of joy, accomplishment and a feeling that was so strong and impeccable, words could not even describe. The best part about falling in love, was that it also looked subsequently good on me. I am naturally a lover and I maneuver through this thing we call life with my heart on my sleeve. I am now realizing I need to change that strategy.

This was a different kind of love though. Not the one you get from friends and family. It was intimate, emotional with a sense of vulnerability yet filled with passion. The love felt authentic, genuine and real. At least on my part it was. Now looking back, I guess I was just head over hills. All love songs that I had been singing and enjoying all my life in the name of Rnb, finally started making sense. As corny as it sounds, everything I had been fighting so hard for almost didn’t matter anymore. That feeling of lacking and always striving for more suddenly became a feeling of satisfaction. This new stage of my life felt so right and authentic because it was after I had one of the realest conversations with God. A prayer that I had asked God to specifically send me someone that can show me the same kind of love in human and physical form. Although being exposed to the different aspects of love from those around me, nothing could have really prepared me enough to handle my first heart break.

This experience literally felt like the show “90-day fiancé”. The only difference was that it wasn’t immigration separating me from my happiness. In just those 6 months I experienced most things in a relationship you could think of that folks have barely experienced in a 3-year relationship. Not mentioning any names. We did the long distance, multiple spontaneous trips which were basically mini vacations, Conversations about life, family, dreams, insecurities fears. Etc. Mind you, these are conversations I have had before with friends, but it wasn’t the same when your having it with a potential partner. I Went on dates that you only see in movies and furthermore a connection and chemistry that only one could get from a soulmate. For the first time in my life I felt beautiful, sexy and attractive. Somebody finally saw the beauty that I saw in myself every time when I look in the mirror. For once I was never the third wheeler or the single one of the group.

Those who know me well are aware of how vocal I am when it comes to self-love, acceptance and not settling for less in relationships. It was refreshing to showcase and represent, that with such a kind of mindset in frame, genuine love from a significant other will be drawn to you. So yeah, I was deeply in love and I felt I deserved it because I had put in the work and was patient. For those who have been in love before, I am sure you can totally relate, or you are either looking at me sideways and thinking of how dramatic I am.

I am not going to get into the nitty gritty of the situation but let’s just say I wouldn’t change a thing if I was to turn back time. Leading up to the break up, deep down I knew what the real deal was. In the words of one of my favorite artist Ledisi, “Sometimes we don’t listen to what we already know”.

I am currently at work at as I write this post reflecting on everything. Believe it or not this post has been sitting on my desktop for about a month now. Editing and finding the right way to jot down my emotions, thoughts and feelings as I formulate them into words. In this case a blog post. Although I am still grieving from this heart break, I am aware of everything good that has happened in my life even if it’s very difficult to focus on the positives.  

Falling in love has taught me a lot about myself and my relationship with those around me. I now understand how my relationship with family and friends’ impact and play a significant role when you are a building a relationship with a significant other. I saw the kind of individual I am when in a relationship and I finally understood all the work and commitment it involves when in a relationship.

Love and every aspect of it is the biggest lesson I am taking from 2019. I pray and hope that the new year will be a catalyst for me. Letting my gut and intuitions be my compass. Allowing my soul to be un-afraid to grow wings and fly in whatever direction the universe calls me. May the seeds I have planted and the one’s I am planting continue to come to fruition. Lastly but not least, may the love I have for myself and the one that I continue to discover, show others how I deserved to be loved.

For now, back to singing tunes like tori Kelly’s “dear no one”.

Podcasts📻🎙

One thing I have learned is that the older you get, you tend to look for different things to inspire you and motivate you. You can call this part of adulting but at this stage of my life, I am always in search of things that are relatable or fall in line with where I am at currently. While reading self-help books, or biographies is the obvious go-to answer, podcasts are a good alternative. Also being the fact that podcasting is the new wave, I was very curious to check it out and give it a shot. I haven’t gotten a chance to listen to an audiobook yet but I am guessing it is the same experience. Continue reading “Podcasts📻🎙”

Grown-ish

If there was a legit manual/school or even class on how to adult that one can get access to, please sign me up. I’ve heard it all. From my fellow co-workers, friends and even mentors. They say, “It never gets easier to figure it out, it only gets easier to cope and work your way through it“. Don’t be fooled by what you see online and on social media. People only want you to see what they want you to see. Most of us are struggling or just making the ‘struggle bus‘ look very cute.

We so are so used to a systematic environment from the day you start school but they don’t prepare you once your out of the system. By “they” I am reffering to the education system and institutes. Unless the system has been changed, those in my age group or older know exactly what I am talking about.

I have recently found my self going to seminars and little workshops that teach you  certain things. Like financial advising, money, paying and shopping for health insurance among many others. lets just say adulting is really hard!

Not too long ago, I ran into my high school teacher and home-girl was calling and saying it like it is (love that about her). I remember after chatting about everybody who was in my year that she kept in touch with, I dared to ask her what she thought how my life would turn out. I will not embarass my self by telling yall her thoughts but long story short, she did not hold back. According to her, I was one of the few that somewhat surprised her. Knowing me, I’ve never been predictable but it did feel good to be viewed from a different perspective.

Experiences and conversations through this journey of adulthood have definitely taught me one thing. Never compare your self to those around you. Just like in a race, those who win never look at their competitors. Everybody has their own path. Remaining humble and trusting your own process, is truly a test of its own.

Looking back, 2018 will be a pivotal chapter in my life. In a way, it’s been a remarkable yet the hardest stage of my life. The good has been really great while the bad has been some of the worst fall. Being able to balance everything from responsibilities, expectations, social life/relationships and even that self-care that’s very essential, has been a task.

Now that I have hit a quater life century, it really hit me that one has to be able to prioritize and be realistic when it comes to following your dreams and facing reality. I guess you can’t have it all. Everything comes with a price whether you realize it or not.  Yup, adulting is no joke.

For those who are in college and are really eager to finish and join adulthood, I emphasize to take your time and enjoy right now because that was once me. I would give anything to go back and maybe plan myself a little bit more and enjoy living under my parents roof. Not worrying about bills, loans or fulfilling the worlds expectations.

Back At It. 🥂🍷🍾#winetasting

It’s been close to two years since I visited a vineyard and had a wine tasting session. Today, all the memories came rushing back from the mini adventures that I ventured in South Africa through my wine tasting escapades. Oh Stellenbosch how I miss you.

For those who’ve been with me from back in the day, I am sure you know what am talking about. If you haven’t, please do yourself a favour and go check out my archives and you’ll get all the way caught up.

I got a chance to visit Nashoba Valley Winery in Bolton Massachusetts with a group of special folks. Two of my co-workers who I adore to death and Esther who I met for the first time but had a lot of mutual friends. Esther if you’re reading this, I am still baffled why our so called “friends” never introduced us because the connection was too real.

This is my first official wine tasting experience in America and I must say, “What the hell have I been doing with my life?” Quick note to all my wine lovers. It doesn’t matter what location, city or country. The culture of wine tasting is literally all the same. As soon as we arrived, I felt right at home. Not to be extra and all dramatic but I did feel like the prodigal son that had finally returned home.

For just $15, we got to taste and sample 10 different wines out of at least 20 options based on one’s preference. Well technically, you get 10 tokens and you can use them to sample wine, beer or brandy. Of course I used all of mine to try the wines.  Compared to Rands (SA currency🇿🇦), this is some bull pricing but for the average Americans, this is absolutely affordable. The atmosphere and the energy was absolutely amazing. From the open greenery fields to the actual vineyards, the views were absolutely stunning and very relaxing as well.

Towards the end, we bought a couple bottle of wines. Some to take home and the rest to sip while we ate and enjoyed the day and the views.  What better way to soak it all in with some good vibes, friends and amazing outlooks.

The weather was perfect as well which added to the aesthetics of the property that contributed to a dope Instagram pic. As I am getting older, the clubbing scene/night life is kinda getting too outdated for me and I am finding myself leaning towards these kind of vibes and hobbies.

I absolutely recommend for everyone to check out Nashoba Valley Winery. It’s perfect for a date, mini day get away for couples, friends and even with family. Stay tuned because there’s definitely gonna be more post on my wine adventures.

WHITNEY

They say that in photography there is a reality so subtle, that it becomes more real than reality. It’s definitely a different perspective when you look through the lens of a camera. I bet most of my fellow photographers can relate to what I mean. When taking a picture, there is one thing the photograph must contain, the humanity of the moment. We all view the world and its content through the lens of the human eye. A good photographer must attain that humanity of the moment with every picture through just the lens of a camera.

I got the opportunity to shoot my old time friend Whitney with the help of one of my closest friends Lucy.  I met Whitney through a friend of a friend and it was an instant connection. Her soft spoken voice that filled the room with so much vibrance and personality which was easily recognizable. Oh and you can’t forget that touch of the ‘Lowell hood’ with a sprinkle of a southern belle which she expressed with every reference of “ooooh child” in every sentence of a story she told. She knows what I am talking about.

Whitney was the first person that I experienced the late night city lights of Boston. This was around the summer of 2012 and every other day we would drive my little hoopty hoopty, otherwise known as black cherry into Boston. We would immerse ourselves into the city’s diverse population and culture that we lacked back in our hometown. We shared our dreams and goals to each other as we made promises to our future self.  This was about 5-6 years ago. After losing touch, life as you know it had a funny way of bringing us back together.

Whitney is now about 36weeks pregnant and had asked me to do a maternity shoot of her before she gave birth. Of course I had to bring in my partner in crime Lucy, who is my creative twin that we see eye to eye when it comes to the art of fashion. Lucy helped me execute this one of a kind master piece.

 

Lucy, who’s a Picasso when it comes to make up, helped with co-directing of the shoot and setting up of the scenes. Of course her energy and positive vibes added to the ambiance of the room.

 

What was only expected to be a just a favor for an old time friend, turned out to be the best baby shower gift I could give to her. Here is to you Whitney as you begin this new chapter of your life. I know you’re going to rock being the best mom in the world.  Happy Mother’s day.

The so called “Dating Life”😕.

The journey to self-discovery has no end! It’s a continuous voyage that one can only learn along the way while being put to the test to what you have already learned. Life has not wasted any moment in putting me through different tests, where I have had to prove that I did learn from my past and can’t afford to make the same mistakes.

As human beings it’s natural to yearn and search for a soulmate whether for friendship or intimacy through a significant other. Personally I have been open to satisfying this urge and in the process, I have come across folks who are on the path to satisfy the same need. In other words I have joined the dating scene and it’s not as easy or fun as I hoped it would be. It’s actually been more exhausting.

I am quite a social person or so I would like to believe but who thought dating in this generation is a whole type of ball game. Being an old-school type of individual (meaning I’ve tried online dating, not into hook ups or friends with benefits), I feel like a different type of breed partaking in the world of dating among my peer group. If you don’t know what I am talking about, monogamous/committed relationships in my generation is quite hard to find. Personally I’ve always been open to dating, so I’ve had my share of online dates as well as “fun” but just recently, is when I became serious about it. Especially now that its summer and its a new chapter of my life, I thought I would give it a shot.

Funny how some people that I’ve met can really test your whole being (insecurities and all). I guess the point of this blog post is that there’s a very thin line to settling for less in order to fulfill the urge of finding a significant other. Whether it’s for intimacy or just friendship. Being always the single one among your friends can get pretty frustrating. Although I do know what I deserve, I would be lying if I said that through this process I’ve allowed to be disrespected to a certain extent where I did question my worthiness. Hence my self-discovery journey was put to the test.

Now that I’ve moved back home, I also thought I would reconnect old friendships as well as extend olive branches to friendships that had died. Being in a new found space doesn’t mean the other party is in the same type of space. As much as I have gained and grown from this friendships, it doesn’t mean that they will last forever. As my mother always said, “friends come and go, some of them are just designated  for a season.

Part of being an adult and truly loving yourself flaws and all, is realizing when to let go. Moving forward, dating for me will be put to the back burner as I focus my energy on other projects and adventures that I would love to venture on. This is not to say that I have given up but rather allow for the process to come naturally and let fate make its course.

Life Update!!

It’s been a while since I have posted a blog but let’s just say your boy has been busy trying to adjust back to reality. All that traveling definitely got me used to living a certain type of lifestyle that I pray, I will one day get back to it.

It’s exactly 30 days till my graduation and the senioritis has been REAL!! 👨🏿‍🎓(The decreased motivation toward studies displayed by students who are nearing the end of their high school, college, and graduate school careers). Low-key, I have had senioritis since my freshman year of college. This is the one thing in my life that’s actually hitting me way before the finish line. Normally, I am one of those people that reality hits at the actual moment. Funny enough I haven’t truly expressed or told many folks about my graduation except close friends and family. Mainly because I have this thing of not really telling people about anything major happening in my life, until it’s actually happening. I may speak of it lightly but not make it serious enough. This is because I am afraid of jinxing it or getting ahead of myself. (I know I am paranoid like that).

This is such a big deal for me. I can’t even imagine that I am finally so close to the finish line to get my bachelors📜. I am not really a school person so you can only imagine the struggle. The only reason I’ve gotten this far is just because I know the importance of education and this is a ‘plan B’ for me because in my head, I know I want to follow my music and acting career. (Realistically what are my chances though?) For those of you who don’t know, I am a journalism student at Lyndon state college up in Vermont.

Now that I am about to finish this chapter of my life, I can’t help but question and wonder what to do with my life next. Actually in all honesty, I am frieking out and afraid. Like I know the whole routine where one is expected to get a job and jump into the workforce but I can’t help but strongly feel that that’s not my path. It also doesn’t help that I have been rejected in a couple of job entrees.  I know I am meant to do something greater that’s even bigger than myself first, then adult later (Travel, Peacecorp/Americorps, follow my dreams….etc). Then again the question is where do I start, where do I take the first step and how do I know that whatever path I decide to take is the right path.