It has been about 7 months since I logged on and wrote a post. Reason you ask? I don’t have a reason that’s adequately valid. The past 7 months or so have been a roller coaster. Great highs and some lows. But never bold enough to stop me on my tracks because I still managed to galivant my way through these streets. If you know what I mean.  

2019 overall will forever be in the books. Looking back, I remember having this conversation with one of my good friends talking about how we were going to live it up. From travels, summer flings and just party like it was back in the 90’s. If I must say, I did exactly just that. My mission was accomplished and all that I had put out to the universe came into existence. Not only did I get to visit London for the second time in the same year, but I was able to attend my first afro punk festival in Atlanta. I also got to visit one of my very good friends in Houston, Texas for July 4th who I only met this year in Paris. These were the major events I had planned for, not counting the little weekend spontaneous trips that came out of the blue (Future posts).  All in all, I had a blast and I am truly grateful.

At this point I bet you are wondering what really motivated me to finally get my act together and write to yall. I’ve never really considered myself a writer. But writing/journaling has always been therapeutic. In the past, My best material have all been drafted when I am emotionally going through it. As great as 2019 has been, the best thing that happened to me was also the worst thing that devastated me and got me to a place I never knew or imagine I would be at. I finally got to taste what love truly feels and looks like only to lose it all.

Among my friends I have always been a late bloomer when it came to dating, love, sex etc. In return, not only have I have been fortunate enough to see what true love should look like, but I have also been exposed to the ugly truth of it. Falling in love was the best thing I’ve experienced in all my life. I mean, it trumps the travel adventures and even the love of food I have. It brought a different kind of joy, accomplishment and a feeling that was so strong and impeccable, words could not even describe. The best part about falling in love, was that it also looked subsequently good on me. I am naturally a lover and I maneuver through this thing we call life with my heart on my sleeve. I am now realizing I need to change that strategy.

This was a different kind of love though. Not the one you get from friends and family. It was intimate, emotional with a sense of vulnerability yet filled with passion. The love felt authentic, genuine and real. At least on my part it was. Now looking back, I guess I was just head over hills. All love songs that I had been singing and enjoying all my life in the name of Rnb, finally started making sense. As corny as it sounds, everything I had been fighting so hard for almost didn’t matter anymore. That feeling of lacking and always striving for more suddenly became a feeling of satisfaction. This new stage of my life felt so right and authentic because it was after I had one of the realest conversations with God. A prayer that I had asked God to specifically send me someone that can show me the same kind of love in human and physical form. Although being exposed to the different aspects of love from those around me, nothing could have really prepared me enough to handle my first heart break.

This experience literally felt like the show “90-day fiancé”. The only difference was that it wasn’t immigration separating me from my happiness. In just those 6 months I experienced most things in a relationship you could think of that folks have barely experienced in a 3-year relationship. Not mentioning any names. We did the long distance, multiple spontaneous trips which were basically mini vacations, Conversations about life, family, dreams, insecurities fears. Etc. Mind you, these are conversations I have had before with friends, but it wasn’t the same when your having it with a potential partner. I Went on dates that you only see in movies and furthermore a connection and chemistry that only one could get from a soulmate. For the first time in my life I felt beautiful, sexy and attractive. Somebody finally saw the beauty that I saw in myself every time when I look in the mirror. For once I was never the third wheeler or the single one of the group.

Those who know me well are aware of how vocal I am when it comes to self-love, acceptance and not settling for less in relationships. It was refreshing to showcase and represent, that with such a kind of mindset in frame, genuine love from a significant other will be drawn to you. So yeah, I was deeply in love and I felt I deserved it because I had put in the work and was patient. For those who have been in love before, I am sure you can totally relate, or you are either looking at me sideways and thinking of how dramatic I am.

I am not going to get into the nitty gritty of the situation but let’s just say I wouldn’t change a thing if I was to turn back time. Leading up to the break up, deep down I knew what the real deal was. In the words of one of my favorite artist Ledisi, “Sometimes we don’t listen to what we already know”.

I am currently at work at as I write this post reflecting on everything. Believe it or not this post has been sitting on my desktop for about a month now. Editing and finding the right way to jot down my emotions, thoughts and feelings as I formulate them into words. In this case a blog post. Although I am still grieving from this heart break, I am aware of everything good that has happened in my life even if it’s very difficult to focus on the positives.  

Falling in love has taught me a lot about myself and my relationship with those around me. I now understand how my relationship with family and friends’ impact and play a significant role when you are a building a relationship with a significant other. I saw the kind of individual I am when in a relationship and I finally understood all the work and commitment it involves when in a relationship.

Love and every aspect of it is the biggest lesson I am taking from 2019. I pray and hope that the new year will be a catalyst for me. Letting my gut and intuitions be my compass. Allowing my soul to be un-afraid to grow wings and fly in whatever direction the universe calls me. May the seeds I have planted and the one’s I am planting continue to come to fruition. Lastly but not least, may the love I have for myself and the one that I continue to discover, show others how I deserved to be loved.

For now, back to singing tunes like tori Kelly’s “dear no one”.

The thought of traveling to Tanzania is still a laughable joke. It was so spontaneous, I am very surprised with the turn that it took (Of course in a good way).

Initially, the plan was to visit Kigali in Rwanda. I mean we started planning this trip all the way in October of last year (2018). Ever since we had a lay over in Rwanda back in 2016 en-route to Dubai, we instantly fell in love and knew that this was a city that had to be added to the bucket list. Continue reading “Dare-salaam, TZ. 🇹🇿🌍”

Come through 2019. This year started off on such a high and positive note. Y’all know that traveling has always been my thing and by the time this trip came about, it felt like I was caged for way too long.

I spent my last days of 2018 and my first few days of 2019 living it up across the pond. I was fortunate enough to make my way to London during my first Europe tour and words cannot even describe how amazing it was. Continue reading “Across The Pond 🇬🇧🌏”

Grown-ish

If there was a legit manual/school or even class on how to adult that one can get access to, please sign me up. I’ve heard it all. From my fellow co-workers, friends and even mentors. They say, “It never gets easier to figure it out, it only gets easier to cope and work your way through it“. Don’t be fooled by what you see online and on social media. People only want you to see what they want you to see. Most of us are struggling or just making the ‘struggle bus‘ look very cute.

We so are so used to a systematic environment from the day you start school but they don’t prepare you once your out of the system. By “they” I am reffering to the education system and institutes. Unless the system has been changed, those in my age group or older know exactly what I am talking about.

I have recently found my self going to seminars and little workshops that teach you  certain things. Like financial advising, money, paying and shopping for health insurance among many others. lets just say adulting is really hard!

Not too long ago, I ran into my high school teacher and home-girl was calling and saying it like it is (love that about her). I remember after chatting about everybody who was in my year that she kept in touch with, I dared to ask her what she thought how my life would turn out. I will not embarass my self by telling yall her thoughts but long story short, she did not hold back. According to her, I was one of the few that somewhat surprised her. Knowing me, I’ve never been predictable but it did feel good to be viewed from a different perspective.

Experiences and conversations through this journey of adulthood have definitely taught me one thing. Never compare your self to those around you. Just like in a race, those who win never look at their competitors. Everybody has their own path. Remaining humble and trusting your own process, is truly a test of its own.

Looking back, 2018 will be a pivotal chapter in my life. In a way, it’s been a remarkable yet the hardest stage of my life. The good has been really great while the bad has been some of the worst fall. Being able to balance everything from responsibilities, expectations, social life/relationships and even that self-care that’s very essential, has been a task.

Now that I have hit a quater life century, it really hit me that one has to be able to prioritize and be realistic when it comes to following your dreams and facing reality. I guess you can’t have it all. Everything comes with a price whether you realize it or not.  Yup, adulting is no joke.

For those who are in college and are really eager to finish and join adulthood, I emphasize to take your time and enjoy right now because that was once me. I would give anything to go back and maybe plan myself a little bit more and enjoy living under my parents roof. Not worrying about bills, loans or fulfilling the worlds expectations.

NEW YORK, NEW YORK🏙🗽🌆

It’s the city that never sleeps. From its vibrant culture and city lights to the hustle and flow mentality of every soul, New York might just be the next move.  I know I have always wanted to move out from my home state (Lowell, Massachusetts) and move to a place where I could finally plant my own roots and lay the foundation of my life. As scary and crazy as it sounds the big apple might be destined for me.

So this whole idea started when I recently went for a weekend to celebrate a friend’s birth day.   Long story short it was LIT. I am talking about from the night life to a day of sightseeing. We ended up renting an Airbnb in Manhattan for the few days we were there and commuted everywhere using subway or Uber.  Over the years, I have been fortunate enough to visit NYC several times but it was only this time round where I got to see NY for its true authentic self and I completely fell in love. They weren’t wrong when they said home is where the heart is. In the past when I visited, I only did the touristy stuff. Visiting Times Square, Brooklyn Bridge, Statue of Liberty and so on and so forth. But it was until I got to experience the culture is when I finally fell in love.

NY is well known for its diversity. It’s literally a melting pot of everybody from different cultures and all walks of all life. One thing for sure, you’re bound to at least meet every race and ethnicity. According to worldsrtides.com, More than 800 languages are spoken in New York City, making it the most linguistically diverse city in the world. 4 in 10 households speak a language other than English.

It’s crazy because everybody that I have told about the idea of moving to NY has basically looked at me crazy. They get this look on their face of ‘WTF’. The notion of NY being an expensive city and the fast paced doesn’t scare me at all. I mean it does a little bit but it’s in the sense of the fact that I am getting out of my comfort zone. But all in all the idea of proving everybody wrong and challenging myself on a different level of capacity is one of the few things that’s actually attracting me to it.

In this journey, I have made sure to check other parts of NY just in case this whole city thing doesn’t really work out for me. I had the opportunity to visit a good friend who lives in Albany, NY. Albany definitely shocked me. It wasn’t what I expected it to be. Meaning, I was expecting upstate New York vibes and a whole lot of countryside. (I apologize for my ignorance and bad geography skills.) Although being the capital for NY and way much smaller than NYC, it left a good impression on me. A city that’s way more diverse in every aspect than what I am used to still contributed to my love for the state as a whole. Let’s not forget the beauty of its architectural buildings and its rich history of the American people.

When I think of living in the big apple I picture myself like the likes of Janet mock the co-stars of the new show hustle in Brooklyn, Jessica Parker in sex and the city and some of my favorite people that I follow or look up to. From their career paths to the social lifestyle. Low-key, they have made it look easy but I am ready to hustle and grind to make it in this big city. Failure is absolutely not an option.

All in all I am not putting my eggs all in one basket. The whole point of this post is to put the idea out into the universe and let it manifest towards my end goal. Maybe New York will not work out. It might be a different city or town in Massachusetts or even a different country but am so ready to plant my seeds in a different garden. Wherever that maybe, I am ready to spread my wings and soar.